It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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