i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
