Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
