I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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