vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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