My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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