alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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