i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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