booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
