Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
