boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize