just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
