dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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