you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
