I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We had sex on a dog bed..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
