Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Randomize
