Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
