I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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