When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
