So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
