can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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