woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
