I accidentally had phone sex last night
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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