I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sorry my hands just texted you
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
