My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
