oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize