I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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