i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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