There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
