How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize