we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
