i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
