I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
