I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
