a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
