My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
