he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Can you repeat that, but with context?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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