did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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