everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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