we have officially lost it.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
