she kept yelling 'call me bella'
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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