I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
