The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
