currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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