i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
