I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
