So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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