you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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