Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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