I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
