why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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