Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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