Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
