I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
