I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
