She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
