Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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