Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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