I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
