also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
