i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
