Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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