So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
