she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
This house was built for laser tag.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Randomize
