first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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