Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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