I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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