he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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