Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Success! We fucked roommates!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
