So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
