I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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