she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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