broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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