words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
