after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
