i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
