Quick, to the slutcave!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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